Learning about life by bonking their heads

In my experience, it’s not uncommon for fathers to be a little more ‘relaxed’ when it comes to their children’s safety.

For example, when our three-year-old opts to dance wildly on the coffee table, his mom might rush to the stop the madness, whereas I would be more likely to let him learn a memorable lesson about gravity.

While at the playground, if he chooses to go down the big slide, or jump off a moving merry-go-round, who am I to stand in his way?

Of course I’ll be there to offer support when the inevitable boo-boos occur, but I find it’s important not to participate in the dramatics that emotionally incontinent toddlers are prone to. I have a zero-tolerance policy for fake crying, but I’ll kiss bruises bandage scraped knees. Usually all that is required is a quick dust-off and a little verbal encouragement.

I’m a big believer in letting little boys learn things the hard way, which some may argue is an cold-hearted approach. I prefer to think of it as ‘tough love.’

Bringing balance to my lackadaisical parenting style, my wife Amanda is much more safety focused. When using the strollers, the boys are always firmly fastened in, as per the manual’s instructions. She discourages them from jumping off the furniture and gasps with terror every time they take a tumble.

“Weren’t you watching them!?” she asks, while tenderly consoling a wailing child.

“Yes.” I answer. “I watched him try to jump from the chair to the couch. He didn’t make it.”

I suspect my ‘let them learn’ approach was inherited during my childhood on the farm, where we were climbing 30-foot grain bins and shooting BB guns by the age of seven. I have a few l scars to show, including a small dent on my forehead that serves to remind me why throwing heavy steel discs at people is a very bad idea.

Little boys are true innovators when it comes to discovering new and creative ways to injure themselves. A few days ago, I found our one-year-old gently slamming his fingers in a kitchen drawer, testing to see how much force was needed to inflict real pain. On more than one occasion, our three-year-old has managed to get his head stuck in kitchen chairs.

There are limits to my ‘let them learn’ philosophy. As a caring dad, I always insist they wear helmets while cycling and hold my hand while crossing the street – and I typically intervene when they try to rub noses with snarling stray dogs.

I find there is usually a pretty clear difference between potentially unpleasant life lesson and serious threat to life and limb.

As adults, we become a little wiser and a lot more risk averse, but the truth is that I sometimes envy my kids and their reckless disregard for consequence. Over the course of our lives, we all acquire a few scars, bumps and bruises – both physical or emotional – and they all come with their own stories and lessons.

And if it’s true that pain brings wisdom, my kids are going to be Rhodes scholars.

Leo Paré is a former Advocate editor. Email him at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/LeoPare