Carving out ‘couple time’ easier said than done

A photo of Amanda and I from 2006.

We don't look like this now!

Becoming a parent means accepting the fact that almost all your time belongs to someone else.

We have two feisty male toddlers in our house, and from the moment they wake up, until the moment they fall asleep, those boys command our constant attention. If we’re not away at work during the week – as I am – my weary wife has her hands full from dawn until dusk.

As a caregiver and disciplinarian, it is your constant duty break up fights, make snacks, dream up activities, make lunches, make them take naps, make more snacks, break up more fights, feed them supper, play wrestle for a while, give them a bath and put them to bed.

When morning comes, the whole thing starts over again.

Your small daily reprieve comes between their bedtime and yours. But don’t kid yourself. You’ll be too exhausted to do anything meaningful with that short window of peace and quiet. Most nights you’ll be lucky to summon up the energy to tidy the kitchen or watch a few minutes of TV before bed.

So where exactly do you find quality time for your spouse amid the calamity?

Before kids came along, my wife went on supper and movie dates at least once a week. Nowadays, we’re lucky if we can get through an episode of Game of Thrones without one of us falling asleep on the couch.

With patience worn thin on many days, being good parents while also being a good couple can be a real challenge. We certainly can’t claim to have it all figured out, but I do have a few small bits of advice to offer for those parents who feel they might be reaching the end of their rope.

-          Whenever possible, couples should go to bed at the same time. Those bedtime conversations – short as they may be – are often the best time to ‘debrief’ or talk about things in life that aren’t child related.

-          Take advantage of opportunities to relax. If the kids are napping or otherwise occupied, sneak in a little ‘you time.’ Read a few pages of your book. Take a shower. Help yourself to a bowl of ice cream and enjoy it without the little magpies clamouring for your treat.

-          Pull out all the stops to make time for each other. Pony up the cash for a babysitter once in a while. Take your significant other out for dinner, a movie, a concert, or even just a walk in the park. Talk about anything but kids. As a couple, it’s important to keep in touch with your ‘non-parent’ side. Have a drink or five (you’ve earned it) and allow yourself to totally unwind and decompress.

You pride yourself on being a good parent, so naturally that’s where most of your focus is, and rightfully so. But be sure to carve out a little time to maintain that relationship Mom and Dad had before they became Mom and Dad – because someday those little magpies are going to move out.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare