New baby girl changes the parenting plan

My biggest wish and greatest fear both came true last week when my wife gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl.

Everly Grace Paré arrived by at 9:54 a.m. on March 11, weighing in at 7 lbs. 9 oz. Already parents of two healthy little boys, Amanda and I were ecstatic to welcome another female to our brood.

That night, I laid awake in that horrible hospital recliner, my wife and new infant daughter sleeping soundly an arm’s length away. Drifting in and out, I tried to process the fact that I had been given a little girl to guide and care for.

When we first became parents four years ago, the prospect of raising a boy didn’t seem so daunting. For the most part, I understand what little boys are about. I still act like one on occasion.

But I feel like I have a lot to learn about what it means to be a girl dad.

My first thoughts are about what the teen years might be like. I’ve heard scary stories from friends and family members about teen daughters going rogue; breaking curfew, dabbling in drugs, dating losers or running away from home. And I hear junior high can be an especially challenging time for young girls.

Part of my revised parenting strategy is to foster a sense of protectiveness in her older brothers. I’m sure my own little sister would testify that my brother and I were a tad overprotective of her when we were kids. More than once, we made menacing threats to the sketchy little zit-faced punks who tried to take her out on dates and I’m confident she is a better person for it.

I’m thankful to have a wife that is so well equipped to teach her all that it means to be a female, but I know that fathers play a huge role in shaping in how little girls grow up to see the world. We all know someone who’s been let down by their father and the devastating long-term consequences that it can have – for both boys and girls.

Each evening, I hold Everly and look at her tiny hands and perfect pink face and make all kinds of silent promises to be the best girl dad I can be. I may not be Father of the Year material, but my children go to sleep every single night knowing they are loved.

If I manage to play this just right, my daughter will grow to be someone with inherent sense of self-worth and self-respect; someone who doesn’t see her gender as any kind of limitation; and someone who loves and is loved for all the right reasons.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare

Time with grandparents is a win-win

Grandma Polly Paré was your quintessential loving granny who spoiled the heck out her grandchildren every chance she got. I remember playing hookie from elementary school many times, just so I could walk down the street to her house for an orange float and cookies.

When Grandpa Polly passed away on a cold December evening back in 2009, it hit our family hard.

Though struggling through our own feelings of loss, everyone’s hearts ached most for my dad. Grandma was his last surviving parent, as Grandpa Leo had passed a few years earlier.

My dad is a tough character, so he didn’t talk about it much, but one day while driving home from town, he said something that really stuck with me.

The exact wording may be a little off, but it went something like this…

“You live your life and do things in a way you hope makes your parents proud. When your mom and dad are gone, it’s more about making your children proud.”

Though we may not always follow their wishes or advice, most of us value our parents’ opinion. I make a point of calling my folks to share good news and often consult them when making big life decisions.

The oldest of three siblings, I like to think I’ve given my parents good reason to be proud – or at least not ashamed – but there’s no doubt that my greatest contribution has been my children.

My kids light up at the very sound of their grandparents’ voice – and vice versa. Watching the boys wrestle with Grandpa or make cookies with Grandma fills me with a strange sense of accomplishment beyond anything I’ve ever known. It’s almost surreal to see them together and try to imagine what life must have been like for my parents when my brother, sister and I were still just toddlers running around in diapers and colouring on walls.

When my wife and I were still new to parenting, we used to fret over the way both our parents spoiled the kids when we all get together. Now, we pretty much sit back and let them play by their grandparents’ rules for a few days and ‘adjust the attitudes’ when we get back home.

Now that the kids are getting a little older, we’re starting to take advantage of my folks as babysitters when Amanda and I decide we need a break. I love my boy dearly, but I long for that day when we can dump them on their grandparents and jump on a plane to somewhere warm and boozy for a week or two.

I have nothing but fond memories of my time with both pairs of grandparents. They played a big part in shaping the person I am today and I’ll treasure those memories as long as I live.

Life is precious and I’m still learning just how fast time flies when you have a family of your own, which is why I intend to give my parents plenty of opportunity to spoil and love and heck out of my kids.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare

A few things I should tell her more often

Historically, I’ve been known to drop the ball on Valentine’s Day.

If I’m lucky, I’ll remember to stop at the flower shop on the way home from work. If I totally space on the occasion, I make an evening run to the gas station or grocery store.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate my wife; she’s amazing in all kinds of ways. I just have a little trouble buying into the whole Valentine’s Day concept and all the protocols that come along with it

This year, instead of flowers, chocolates, or a fancy dinner, I decided to share a short list of things I appreciate most about the mother of my children and the woman I’ve been married to for nearly six years. Here’s hoping this article is received as a romantic gesture and not a totally inappropriate ‘overshare.’

1.       She’s an incredible mother. From the time we started dating back in the early 2000s, Amanda was excited to start her own family. Now we have a three-year-old, a two-year-old and another mystery baby on the way in just a few weeks. She’s a caring, nurturing, committed mom and our kids go to bed each night knowing they are truly loved.

2.       She’s tough. You wouldn’t guess it by looking at her, but Amanda is strong in more ways than one. In addition to caring for two rambunctious kids and growing another one inside her, she also works part time and keeps our household functioning.

3.       She’s kind-hearted. Amanda is compassionate and sympathetic to the point where tragic stories about perfect strangers (or even animals) cause her to well up with tears. It’s one of my very favourite things about her.

4.       She’s exceptionally beautiful. My buddies frequently remind me that I have a much hotter wife than I deserve. A former colleague once told me that I ‘out-punted the coverage’ when I convinced Amanda to marry me; he’s probably right.

5.       She’s thoughtful.  In our house, no milestone goes uncelebrated. She makes sure everyone gets to feel special on birthdays and other special occasions. When our three-year-old requested a tractor birthday cake last year, she didn’t think twice about spending hours and hours slaving in the kitchen to fulfill his wish. With her every word and action, Amanda reminds everyone in our house each and every day how well she knows us and how much she loves us.

The list could go on, but the non-romantic readers are probably starting to feel a little nauseous if they’ve continued reading to this point. I’m not usually one to get all sappy, but I know Amanda will enjoy reading this, cutting it out of the newspaper and tucking it away in her little box of memories and keepsakes.

Hopefully I remember to pick up some flowers in time this Valentine’s Day, but if not, my wife should have no doubts about how much she is loved and appreciated.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare