Why we choose not to find out

For the third, and likely final time, my wife and I are expecting a baby.

Don’t worry – I think I’ve finally figured out what’s causing this whole pregnancy thing and plan to take a few preventative measures going forward.

We currently have our hands full with two rambunctious little boys – Grayson, 3.5 and Rylan, 1.5 – and the concept of having three kids in the house makes my knees weak at times. A little fear and anxiety aside, I am genuinely excited to welcome another member to our growing herd.

As we prepare to become a family of five, I’ve really began to notice that the world seems to be suited for a family of four. Restaurant tables have four chairs; most vehicles have room for just two car seats; and as far as I know, they don’t make triple-decker strollers yet.

Having two kids hasn’t exactly been a cake walk, but I have a feeling Amanda and I are about to find out what we’re really made of as parents.

As with pregnancies past, friends and family are highly curious about the sex of the baby. ‘Did you find out? Are you going to find out? You should find out. How else will you know what colour to paint the baby’s room?’

Once again, Amanda and I are opting to be surprised, which I know baffles those people who feel the need to have everything completely prepared in anticipation of their new boy or girl.

We’ve never really operated as a highly organized family unit. We don’t spend a lot of effort planning and strategizing over finances, schedules or activities. We’re more a ‘take it as it comes’ kind of family and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

When people ask me why we choose not to find out ahead of time, I always tell the same story.

On the day that our first son was born, Amanda had suffered through 32 hours of tough labour before the doctor sent her off for a c-section. Exhausted and a little worried, I was seated in a waiting area for half an hour before being escorted into the operating theatre. I sat next to Amanda’s head and held her hand while the surgeons did their thing on the other side of a large blue curtain.

I’ll never forget the feeling of hearing my first child’s cries; squeezing my wife’s hand while we waited for our first look – still not knowing if we had ourselves a boy or a girl. We could hear the medical staff saying things like, ‘great looking baby’ and ‘check out those hands’ but they never dropped any hints.

When a nurse finally brought ‘it’ around to us, happy tears had obscured our vision, but I heard someone say, ‘Here’s your boy!’ Nine months of waiting and wondering cumulated into that wild, wonderful and exhilarating moment and this is one of those rare occasions where I lack the words to express just how cool it was to hold of that kid for the first time as I allowed the drama and emotion of that moment to wash over me like an tidal wave.

In this high-tech of world of instant information and instant gratification, people don’t really have to wait for anything anymore. I just hope this next kid arrives safe and healthy – the details can remain a tantalizing mystery for a few more months.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare