Why we choose not to find out

For the third, and likely final time, my wife and I are expecting a baby.

Don’t worry – I think I’ve finally figured out what’s causing this whole pregnancy thing and plan to take a few preventative measures going forward.

We currently have our hands full with two rambunctious little boys – Grayson, 3.5 and Rylan, 1.5 – and the concept of having three kids in the house makes my knees weak at times. A little fear and anxiety aside, I am genuinely excited to welcome another member to our growing herd.

As we prepare to become a family of five, I’ve really began to notice that the world seems to be suited for a family of four. Restaurant tables have four chairs; most vehicles have room for just two car seats; and as far as I know, they don’t make triple-decker strollers yet.

Having two kids hasn’t exactly been a cake walk, but I have a feeling Amanda and I are about to find out what we’re really made of as parents.

As with pregnancies past, friends and family are highly curious about the sex of the baby. ‘Did you find out? Are you going to find out? You should find out. How else will you know what colour to paint the baby’s room?’

Once again, Amanda and I are opting to be surprised, which I know baffles those people who feel the need to have everything completely prepared in anticipation of their new boy or girl.

We’ve never really operated as a highly organized family unit. We don’t spend a lot of effort planning and strategizing over finances, schedules or activities. We’re more a ‘take it as it comes’ kind of family and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

When people ask me why we choose not to find out ahead of time, I always tell the same story.

On the day that our first son was born, Amanda had suffered through 32 hours of tough labour before the doctor sent her off for a c-section. Exhausted and a little worried, I was seated in a waiting area for half an hour before being escorted into the operating theatre. I sat next to Amanda’s head and held her hand while the surgeons did their thing on the other side of a large blue curtain.

I’ll never forget the feeling of hearing my first child’s cries; squeezing my wife’s hand while we waited for our first look – still not knowing if we had ourselves a boy or a girl. We could hear the medical staff saying things like, ‘great looking baby’ and ‘check out those hands’ but they never dropped any hints.

When a nurse finally brought ‘it’ around to us, happy tears had obscured our vision, but I heard someone say, ‘Here’s your boy!’ Nine months of waiting and wondering cumulated into that wild, wonderful and exhilarating moment and this is one of those rare occasions where I lack the words to express just how cool it was to hold of that kid for the first time as I allowed the drama and emotion of that moment to wash over me like an tidal wave.

In this high-tech of world of instant information and instant gratification, people don’t really have to wait for anything anymore. I just hope this next kid arrives safe and healthy – the details can remain a tantalizing mystery for a few more months.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare

Parents don’t have to be easy prey for retailers

As a parent, you always want to do what’s best for your babies. Of course you do; we all do! In fact, we are morally and socially obligated to do absolutely everything in our power keep our kids safe, healthy and adequately educated.

Walk into any big retail store and you’ll find aisles upon aisles of child-care products, ranging from new-age learning technology, to potty training aids, to more mysterious must-have items with names like ‘the Summer Infant Snuzzler.’

Today’s retailers are shameless about capitalizing on our protective instincts. They clamour to sell us all kinds of items that are guaranteed to enhance our children’s safety at home, at school, at the park and in the car. If I were to accept the internet’s definitions on common child-safety practices, my three-year-old would be dressed in full riot gear every time he went for a bicycle ride.

Perhaps it was just a different time, but when I was a kid climbing trees and granary ladders, my mom’s biggest concern was that I didn’t wreck another pair of jeans.

The social-media machine is doing a great job of fuelling the deep dark fears of most young parents. My daily Facebook and Twitter feeds constantly feature stories about shocking child tragedies that could have been prevented if only the parent’s had purchased some new-fangled safety device.

It makes you wonder how anyone ever raised children without a digital baby monitor streaming live video to their cell phones. How the hell did they regulate the temperature of the child’s sleeping area? My God, it’s amazing that any of us born in those pre-wireless days survived past infancy!

Granted, there are a few common-sense steps parents can and should take to ‘kid proof’ the house; things like electrical outlet covers and cabinet locks are pretty much mandatory. I’m pretty sure both my kids would have tasted window cleaner by now if we hadn’t bothered to lock up all our cabinets.

Educational technology is another cash cow for the kid-crap industry. Apple and Microsoft would have us believe that laptops and tablets are ‘essential’ in the mental development of today’s toddlers. My boys get to play with Dad’s iPad once in a while – if they are behaving. Though the iPad can buy us precious minutes of peace and quiet, I’m definitely not comfortable with the wide-eyed, zombie-like state those glowing screens seems to induce.

I know there is plenty of research to suggest that computers are valuable learning tools, but my fatherly instincts tell me that playing on a swing set, or building a snow fort is still better for my child’s development that drawing shapes on a computer screen.

Today’s toddlers – mine included – seem to require rooms full of expensive toys, gadgets and gimmicks to stay entertained, but I have a hunch that when my grandparents were kids, they were perfectly happy playing with homemade dolls, potato sacks and wooden swords.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare