Kids and Christmas shopping test Dad’s restraint

Make no mistake about it; kids know perfectly well they are less likely to be disciplined in a public place.

Why else would they save their most extreme tantrums for shopping malls, restaurants, play centres and other highly populated settings?

With Christmas fast approaching, we’ve ventured to shopping malls in Edmonton, Calgary and Red Deer over the past few weeks, as well as bustling public events like the Festival of Tress. While I find Christmas crowds a bit harrowing at the best of times, having two demanding toddlers in tow takes things to a whole new level.

If they’re not running around bumping into strangers, trying to get lost, or pulling items off store shelves, they’re demanding to be carried or pushed in a giant stroller that steers like a school bus.

Things usually start out OK. We can browse around for a few minutes without much fuss. The peace doesn’t last long, however, as inevitably they see a toy or flashy item they simply must have.

From this point forward, the process is always the same.

Step 1 – Attempted reasoning

“No buddy. Let’s just keep looking. If you’re good, maybe we can get a toy later.”

*Child glares angrily, begins breathing rapidly. Cheeks go red.

Step 2 – Attempted distraction

I grab his hand and attempt to lead him away from the contentious item.

“C’mon bud. Let’s go look at some other stuff! Want to play with Daddy’s phone?”

*Child goes limp, drops to floor as if dead. In extreme cases, high-pitched shrieking follows. Nearby parents take notice and commence judgement.

Step 3 – Parental rage

“Get up! Stop it right now! One… Two… Two… Two…. THREE!

*Child doesn’t respond. I pick child up while resisting the urge to spank in public. I feel like a failure as a parent for not having more control over my child’s behaviour.

Step 4 – Cool down

Child and I sit on a bench somewhere to chill out for a minute or two. Calm is restored, for the moment.

During our last visit to the mall, we were walking along in our family herd, when suddenly Grayson, 3, bolted off. Annoyed, I walked briskly, trying to catch up without breaking into a run. When I realized where he was headed, I slowed my pace.

When he reached the Santa Claus setup, he bolted past the line, up the ramp and scrambled into Santa’s lap. When I reached him, I apologized to Santa and the photographers.

“C’mon buddy. You already got a picture Santa a last time we were here.”

Eyes twinkling, Grayson looked up at the mall Santa, flashed a huge smile and hugged the old guy as if he was an old friend. When he climbed down and strolled back to me, he was grinning from ear to ear.

“What the heck were you doing?” I asked.

“I just wanted Santa to know that I’m a good kid,” he replied, matter-of-factly.

My kids may have an incredible knack for throwing ill-timed public tantrums, but it’s hard to stay angry for long when their innocence and personalities are so damn heart-warming.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare