Comparing kids is a no-win game for parents

As parents, we all like to think our children are exceptional.

When our first baby boy started forming coherent words like ‘Momma’ or ‘puppy’, people would marvel at his ability to speak so well at such a young age. When he started walking at just 11 months, we began to believe he was some sort of genius baby, destined for NASA or a Nobel Prize.

Then one of my wife’s friends posted a Facebook photo of their baby walking at nine months. And what’s this? Here’s another kid that can count to 20 at just 16 months! Suddenly, we began to fear that our little boy wasn’t a genius after all – perhaps he was even a little slow!

When I discussed our concerns with my mother, she laughed and said, “Chill out. You were still putting crayons in your ears when you were six.”

After talking with other parents, we came to the realization that most moms and dads spend a lot of time comparing their kids to other kids. Now that Amanda and I have been parents for a few years, we field a lot of questions from other people who are new to the parenting game.

“When did your boys start walking?”

“How long did it take you to potty train?”

“Do you think it’s normal that my 10-month-old can’t write his own name?”

I suppose it’s only natural that we compare our own kids to the best and the brightest. We see our friends posting their children’s developmental milestones on Facebook and we get a little jealous when we see some other little brat walking, talking or doing basic calculus before our own offspring.

The other day, I saw a video of a three-year-old hip-hop dancer performing a complicated routine on the Ellen DeGeneres Show; then I looked down at my three-year-old who was sitting on the living room floor eating pieces of construction paper.

Though your child’s development is sure to worry you at times, it will also delight you as well. The truth is that children walk, talk and learn at their own pace, and all we can do is try to foster the most healthy, positive, nurturing environment possible.

Read to your kids every night. Keep them active and stimulated. Show them plenty of affection.

And most importantly, constantly remind your babies that they are the smartest, strongest, fastest, coolest most amazing little people in the whole entire world.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare

That’s what brothers are for

My brother and I used to fight a lot.

And when I say ‘fight’ I don’t mean we gave each other the silent treatment, or exchanged witty insults. I mean we grabbed each other by the shirt collars, balled up our fists and hauled off like a couple of bush-league hockey goons.

Sometimes we were smiling as we exchanged blows, sometimes we weren’t. But we always managed to get over it quickly and carry on without any long-lasting ill will.

The brotherly relationship can be both simple and complicated at the same time. For Aric and I, life was about relentless competition in almost every aspect of daily life – though as we got older, he would emerge as the vastly superior athlete.

Growing up on a small family farm, Aric and I had no trouble finding new and creative ways to keep busy. My aunt once told me we were like ‘feral children,’ running all over the countryside doing whatever we pleased – and Mom’s photo album validates that assessment.

We built two-storey tree forts, tinkered with old motorcycles and had ball hockey marathons in Dad’s workshop. We joined Boy Scouts together, played most minor sports on the same team, and rode ATVs and snowmobiles through every field within 50 miles of home.

Though they almost always take it for granted as kids, brothers share an unspoken bond and a mutual understanding that one will always be there for the other when the chips are down.

I remember Aric once driving 80 kilometres to give me a boost when my truck battery died in the middle of nowhere, and neither of us thinking too much of it at the time. That’s what brothers are for, after all.

This weekend, Aric is getting married to his long-time girlfriend Ashley. As the best man, I was asked to have a speech ready, but I’ve been struggling to find words that adequately explain what it was like to grow up with a little brother that was also a true best friend.

Sometimes, after one of our savage adolescent brawls, Mom and Dad would hold us face-to-face and make us say that we loved each other, while we protested and screamed names back and forth.

“You have to love each other because you are brothers forever,” Mom would say.

Now that I’m all grown up – with two feisty young boys of my own – I’m finally wise enough to appreciate what having a brother is all about.

So even though I can’t guarantee that we won’t have any more scraps, I can absolutely guarantee that we will continue to be there for each other when it counts.

Leo is a former Advocate editor. Contact him by email at newsdeadline@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LeoPare